I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
