My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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