I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize