So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
