One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
