And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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