Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
