hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
