We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
