chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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