Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
