Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
