Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
