I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
