Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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