Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he shaved USA in his pubs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
