At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
