He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
