EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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