i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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