so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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