the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
