Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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