PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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