If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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