The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
