I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
