How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
