fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
