I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
