I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
