you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
