She is in my trunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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