i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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