Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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