You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
