I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
