how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
