I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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