I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
