miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
