dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
