the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
