I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
