I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
