Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
