Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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