Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize