I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize