We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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