i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
