to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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