i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
