at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
where am i from again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
