I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
