You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
