the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
