You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
