My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
