The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
