If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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