Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
