Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
