He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
