He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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