some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
