dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
