Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
