I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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